It’s funny. It’s funny how people change. How they become something you could have never thought that they could become. I don’t put myself out of this category by any means. In fact I embrace the times that I am going through a change because I know that it is exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I cleave to the moments when change arises in my life.
Will I ever become the veriest of beings? Absolutely not. It’s especially disappointing when people expect me to do so. I heard this the other day. “You are not the person I thought you were”. I was flabbergasted. Of course I am not that person, especially considering that I was put on a pedestal. However sometimes the shoe can be on the other foot. When someone puts themselves on a pedestal and feels a remedial urge to ‘change’ the ones they love. I myself am guilty of that. Every time something in regards to that context ends in me sacrificing myself, every ounce of my soul has been poured into so many things. Each time to leave me empty begging for a change.
Yesterday I experienced something. I experienced a memory that has thus since been removed further and further to the depths of my mind. You are just a memory. You are just a figment of an imagination of what once was, or what it pretended to be. I can look back, but I won’t. A scar fills the void that was once covered in a scab that I insisted on picking. Well I’ve healed.
Some winters never end, neither wane or wear. And sunshine is like lovers and some summers just pretend; only warm the air.
I’ve pretended to feel something. I’ve pretended to move on. Well in every lie there is an inspiration of truth.
My lie. My visage has reached a pinnacle and it has been broken down. I’ve pretended to be something far too long. I’ve put on a mask of something or someone that I think I should be.
So yes. I agree. I am most definitely not who you thought I was. I was a building that has crumbled. But in my attempt to rebuild myself I was reusing the same scrap from the remains of what was. I’ve picked my stones from a new pile this time.